What is rage?

Two friends, Bill and Tom, were drinking at an all-night cafe. They got into a discussion about the difference between irritation, anger, and rage. At about 1 A.M., Bill said, "Look, Tom, I'll show you an example of irritation."

He went to the pay telephone, put in a coin, and dialed a number at random. The phone rang and rang and rang. Finally when a sleepy voice at the other end answered, Bill said, "I'd like to speak to Jones."

"There's no one here named Jones," the disgruntled man replied as he hung up.

"That," Bill said to Tom, "is a man who is irritated."

An hour later, at 2 A.M., Bill said, "Now I'll show you a man who is angry." He went to the phone, dialed the same number, and let it ring. Eventually, the same sleepy voice answered the phone.

Bill asked, "May I please speak with Jones?"

"There's no one here named Jones," came the angry reply, this time louder. The man slammed down the receiver.

An hour later, at 3 A.M., Bill said, "Now I'll show you an example of rage." He went to the phone, dialed the same number, and let it ring. When the sleepy man finally answered, Bill said, "Hi, this is Jones. Have there been any calls for me?"

Citation: David Holdaway, Scotland

Illustrations for Every Topic and Occasion - – Perfect Illustrations: For Every Topic and Occasion.

Who are you holding up?

When Dawson Trotman passed away he probably left a legacy of discipleship on this earth that will never be matched except perhaps in the life of Jesus Christ Himself. I've become a real student of Dawson Trotman and believe wholeheartedly in the methods of discipleship that he taught and emulated throughout his days. He died in Schroon Lake, New York. He died of all things in the midst of an area that he was expert in—he drowned. He was an expert swimmer. The last few moments he had in the water he lifted one girl out of the water. He went down and got the other girl and lifted her out of the water and then submerged and was not found again until the dragnet found him a few hours later. A man named Larsen was on that boat when Trotman died, and he said, "The entire United States Navy couldn't have saved Trotman that day—it was God's time." Time ran an article on Trotman's life the next week, and they put a caption beneath his name, and it read, "Always Holding Somebody Up." In one sentence, that was Trotman's life—investment in people, in honesty and humility, holding them up. Are you doing that? Who are you holding up? Charles Swindoll / Illustrations Unlimited.

Religious affliction

My daughter Barb and I were hired to conduct an in-depth survey After a day of reading questions and writing responses, we were getting weary, but we decided to finish the last two people before calling it a day.

I dropped Barb at her final location and went to mine. I finished early, so I walked in on Barb just as she was finishing the personal data section, which included the question, "Religious Affiliation?"

I knew a hard day's work had finally gotten to Barb when I heard her ask, "And finally, what is your religious affliction?"

Gusty Chartrand

1001 Quotes, Illustrations, and Humorous Stories: For Preachers, Teachers, and Writers.

What would you give up?

In an article about former Today show host Bryant Gumbel, Cheryl Lavin writes in the Chicago Tribune Magazine:

Gumbel loves golf. Loves golf. Belongs to four clubs. Plays 200 times a year, sometimes 54 holes a weekend. Owns 2,000 golf clubs. "It's the one thing that you do that is only about you. It's the thing I enjoy the most," he says.

Gumbel and Al Roker were discussing a poll in Golf magazine that asked, "Which would you rather give up, golf or sex?"

Without hesitating, Gumbel said sex. Roker was surprised. Gumbel said, "Maybe you've never had a great round of golf."

"Which would you rather give up?" is not always a hypothetical question. Sometimes God asks us to give up something enjoyable for something that is far, far more enjoyable. The more we see the true joys of the things of God, the easier any sacrifice becomes.

750 Engaging Illustrations.

Honestly now

A lot can be learned by the questions people ask. Two physics students wanted to go to a party in a town fifty miles away, even though they had a major physics test first thing the following day. The only way they could go to the party was to spend the night there and return late the next day, too late for the test.

"That's okay," one student said. "We'll tell the professor we had a flat tire. He can't punish us for having a flat tire."

The other agreed, so they went to the party and had a wonderful time. When they returned, they told the professor they had had a flat tire and they asked if they could take a makeup test. The professor agreed.

The next day, as they took their seats for the makeup test, the professor handed out a sheet of paper. "There are only two questions on this test, one on each side of the paper," he said. "Question one is worth 10 percent, and question two is worth 90 percent. Take your time, answer the questions fully and completely. This final will make up 50 percent of your grade."

Both students read the first question: "Who came up with the theory of relativity?" Both students smiled. "Albert Einstein," they wrote. What an easy test, they thought as they flipped to the back side of the sheet.

Question 2 was, "Which tire was flat?"

In Mark chapter 12 opposition to Jesus grows to monumental proportions. This chapter contains a few more questions put to Jesus by the religious establishment of the day in an attempt to trap him. Failing this, they abandon this course of action. They ask him no more questions until his trial.

Holman New Testament Commentary - Holman New Testament Commentary – Mark.

God needs to speak louder!

My five-year-old daughter, Barbara, had disobeyed me and had been sent to her room. After a few minutes, I went in to talk with her about what she had done. Teary-eyed, she asked, "Why do we do wrong things, Mommy?"

"Sometimes the devil tells us to do something wrong," I replied, "and we listen to him. We need to listen to God instead."

To which she sobbed, "But God doesn't talk loud enough!"

Citation: Jo M. Guerrero, Christian Reader (September/October 1996)

Illustrations for Every Topic and Occasion - – Perfect Illustrations: For Every Topic and Occasion.

Everything I touch hurts!

A man went to see his doctor in an acute state of anxiety. "Doctor," he said, "you have to help me. I'm dying. Everywhere I touch it hurts. I touch my head and it hurts. I touch my leg and it hurts. I touch my stomach and it hurts. I touch my chest and it hurts. You have to help me, Doc, everything hurts."

The doctor gave him a complete examination. "Mr. Smith," he said, "I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is you are not dying. The bad news is you have a broken finger."

Citation: David Holdaway; Stonehaven, Kincardinshire, Scotland

Illustrations for Every Topic and Occasion - . – More Perfect Illustrations: For Every Topic and Occasion.